 |
| Parents bad-mouthing their kids |
“Good parents hardly
parent. They let their kids learn, fail, and grow without interference.” ― Trevor Carss, famous Canadian author of Children’s
books
The keyword here is interference. Unfortunately, most
of the parents cannot resist themselves from intruding into their children’s
lives.
Parenthood is blissful. To have created a child cannot
equate any other joy. However, as I have mentioned in my article, “Top 10 ways to make you a good parent”,
this task brings great responsibility with it.
It is to be understood that each person is different
and so is his or her family. In view of these different circumstances, there
can be no ‘One-size-fit-all’ parenting tips. However, the parents should be
very much careful in the use of their tongues with their children. One wrong or
inappropriate sentence may affect the overall health of parent-child
relationship and bring scars in the future lives of the children.
Let’s examine them.
Avoid these sentences
10."You're stupid or dumb or (any other such negative word)."
Yes, the children, sometimes, are not able to follow their parents at all
or take time in understanding their point of view but here lies the test of the
parents’ patience. They should not expect their children to be as intelligent
or worldly-wise as themselves, at this age. They must be able to go down to
their children’s level and comprehend their capabilities.
9. "Don't cry, you're not a kid now"
Telling them that they are not a kid anymore does not make them grow up suddenly. It tells them that their parent does not empathize with them. That makes them to avoid sharing their problems with their parents in the future.
8. “Wow! You are the best.”
Yes, it has been said to encourage them but does it
not really make them stop in their tracks. They value their parents’ estimation
of their performance and believe in them. The moment their parents shower
lavish praises on them, their motivation for the improvement goes out of the
window. Don’t be a miser in the appreciation but leave a window open for their
ascending the ladder of success.
7. 7. “Just see! How good are your brothers/ sisters/ friends!”
“If a man does not keep pace with his
companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to
the music which he hears, howsoever measured or far away.”
- Henry David Thoreau, 19th century American Philosopher.
Every individual is different. Therefore, please do not make comparisons. In case the children are not able to perform like their siblings or friends in a particular field, find out their strong areas, and encourage them to excel there.
6. “When will you learn to do anything properly?”
This and
other such negative statements make the children uneasy. They get confused and less
inclined to take up any challenges or tasks for the fear of failures resulting
in such ridicule.
5. “If I was in your place…..”
True, if the parents were in
their children’s place, they could have completed that particular task in a
different or maybe better way. However, they must definitely consider the
difference in theirs and the children’s age, experience, worldly wisdom, and
other faculties. Instead of making such a statement, they can explain the pros
and cons in a softer and wiser manner.
4.
“No, no! That can’t be true.”
The children
describe something to their parents who may find it unbelievable. Do they have
to, necessarily, say so in their faces bluntly? After such a reaction, the
children may not open up with their parents in the future. Instead of making such
a remark, the children can be asked for more details and even if they are
wrong, they can be made to understand the mistake in a better manner.
3.
“Come
on be brave. What makes you afraid?”
Even
mature people can also be afraid of something. They are just children.
They are not worldly-wise and may not be able to reason. However, if their
fearful feelings are just neglected or made fun of, it will make them shaky and
diffident. Instead of such a reaction, they can be explained about it and, thus,
remove their fears.
2.
“Hey! Be a man. You are alright.”
Just see, by speaking this
sentence, what do the parents do? The children explain some pain, uneasiness,
slight fever to get their sympathy but their swift dismissal shakes the
children from their own judgments. They may also feel that their parents do not
care for them. That is bad for their healthy development.
1.
“I
wish you were not there.”
Sometimes,
the parents face serious problems in their personal, social or professional
life but taking out this frustration on their children is the worst thing that
they can do. Can there be any sentence more insulting and demeaning than this
for a person? This one sentence would make the children feel utterly useless in
life.
Conclusion
Childhood is a sensitive age.
The children need to be nurtured with utmost love and care. Word of mouth plays
a great role in this. The spoken word is like a bullet. Once fired, it leaves the
gun and if it hits the target, the damage is done. It cannot be reversed at any
point. These sentences are just examples of the careless approach of the
parents with their children. The parents need to set examples before their
children in their thoughts, speech, and action.
#WhatParentsShouldNotSpeakToTheirChildren
#AvoidableSentencesForTheChildren #AvoidSpeakingTheseSentencesToYourChildren
#InterferingInLivesOfYourChildren
Parenting involves right thoughts, speech and action on the part of the parents. They have to set an example before their children who follow them. It is all about being positive.
ReplyDelete