13.a. Parenting of a Senior School Student

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too.

                                   -Daphne Joyce Maynard, an American novelist, and journalist. 

So, your child is a senior school student now. How fast does the time fly? Don’t you sometimes wish they would become those small cute poster babies again? If you remember parenting them during their childhood days they posed different sets of problems than what you have now. So as Daphne Joyce Maynard has said, you as a parent, are also growing with your children. Just remember that a time will come when you will smile over these problems and how you could solve them.

 

What is parenting?

Cambridge dictionary gives its meaning as “The raising of children and all the responsibilities and activities that are involved in it”. A detailed analysis of Parenting is given in my blog article “7.Top 10 ways to make you a Good Parent”. Link for the same is: eduofday.blogspot.com

Education

Education gets prime importance at this stage as this is the stage of building their future. Then their studies need more of their focus. I have dealt with comprehensive details of this subject in my two series of articles on Secondary and Senior Secondary Education. Please read these. I have posted these on this space earlier. Each of these is a three-article series titled “Discover Secondary Education” and “Ultimate Understanding of Senior Secondary Education”. These can also be read on my blog-Education2020. The link is: eduofday.blogspot.com

Common attributes of Good Parenting

There are some basic qualities of parenting that remain constant at all times. These are as follows:

1. Love and Care: Parental love and care are most important for their children. Do take proper care of their health with an emphasis on a nutritious diet, exercise regimen, consulting doctor in case of any trouble, and regular inquiry about their well-being.

2. Healthy Relationship: A healthy relationship between parents and their children is an all-time requirement. It is built by keeping the communication channels open in an atmosphere of love.

3. Discipline: Discipline becomes all the more important at this stage of their life. Therefore, it is a very important parental duty to ensure discipline in their children’s life.

4. Quality Time: Parents must ensure to spend quality time with their children regularly. In fact, it is all the more important as they grow up.

5. Respect: Mutual respect from both sides makes the relations healthier.

6. Responsibility: Grown-up children should be made to feel responsible by assigning appropriate tasks to them. Care needs to be taken that these tasks should not eat into their important study time.

7. Regular follow up of education: Some parents may not find it easy to teach their children at these levels. However, that does not stop them from taking a follow-up of their studies on a regular basis.

 A glimpse of the parenting issues at this stage

Do you find dealing with your grown-up children, maddening at times? Most probably, your answer would be YES. “Oh Papa, I am going to a movie.” “Momma, buy me that dress. I have to attend a party. It is so urgent.” “What’s the problem with Rohan, or Roshni or Smita…. Why can’t I meet him/ her more often.” 

There are endless demands and plentiful uneasy questions. Sometimes, you feel your patience is being put to its most difficult test.  So, what is really the solution? It is mentioned in the sentence quoted at the top. The parents also need to grow up with their children. The role of parents undergoes a change in different phases of their children’s age. This article attempts to address the issues that keep surfacing before the parents of these grown-up children.

 

 

 

This is the first of the 3-article series giving tips for parenting of senior school children. Please give your critical comments in the box or mail to vermarajesh55@gmail.com

13.b.Amazing tips for Parenting of a Senior School Student

Amanda was in tears. She did not understand who to talk to. Her father never had any time for his children and her mother was too busy with everything except her children. She thought that caring for their food and household chores is all she needed to do. Amanda had begun to like Roger and wanted to share this but nobody was available to be with her.

There are many children like Amanda. They grow up physically but undergo the trauma of young adulthood. Their age is neither that of a child nor of a young person. These children undergo a lot of pressure because of hormonal, physical, emotional, and mental pressures. They face challenges and competition in their academic journey. Besides, some may be trying to prove their mettle in the fields of sports, music, arts, and other such activities. They also feel the pressure of choosing their future careers wisely. This young crowd wants to take charge of their life.

However, they still try to find rock support in their parents. You need to perform some of the basic duties of parenting, follow the common traits, inspire them to be active in every field, help them think properly, and remain agile. Instead of simple instructions like “Go to bed now” or “It’s bedtime” leading questions like “So, how was your day?” “I hope you are doing well in your badminton” will help you get closer to them.

Suggested measures

The following measures will put you on the path of being a successful parent.

1. Discipline- Although it is a common trait of good parenting but it is very important at this stage too. That is why it is specifically being mentioned again. They may not like disciplining but it is important for them. It becomes easier if they have been following it since their early childhood. I have mentioned this to be an important quality for the children in my earlier parenting articles for Pre-primary, Primary, and Junior children which can be read on my blog eduofday.blogspot.com You may find some resistance to it initially but one day your young children are going to thank you for this. Some rules like “At least one meal together by the entire family”; “No television or mobile at the mealtime”; “Fixed play timings”; “No late nights” etc. can be discussed and implemented.

2. Involve and get involved- Involve them in making plans not only for them but for other things as well. This will make them responsible and mature. Welcome the arguments but solve them amicably. Getting involved in their affairs in a friendly manner, solving their problems, and giving them a patient hearing will bring both of you closer.

3. Be vigilant- A good parent needs to be vigilant. This vigilance is about even minutest change in their attitude and behavior; academic performance; friends circle; any change in their routine and food habits, etc. This is a very delicate stage. Many children get into bad company at this stage and take up the spoiling habits like smoking, alcohol, drugs, etc. Being vigilant is a wise step. 

4. Command Respect- This is from the common traits but mentioned again for the sake of these young children. Respect should form the basis of the relationship between parents and children. However, as a parent, we should be able to win their respect with our behavior. Respect from them needs to be reciprocated by your love and affection. It is not enough to have these feelings but also to express them from time to time. You will find that their arguments get reduced to a large extent by taking these measures.

5. Be Consistent- Your behavior needs to have an equilibrium and consistency. If you talk to them lovingly one moment and angrily the next, they may not like it and their rational behavior will undergo negative change. They may not be expressive with you or react angrily. All these situations are not good for their future life.  Children need to have confidence that their parents are there for help and support all the time. 

6. Spend Quality time with them- You may be very busy but it is a part of your growing up process to take out quality time with your grown-up children. Enquire about their day in the school, class tasks, teachers, friends, home tasks, interests, hobbies, games, sports, and any other topic of their interest regularly. They will take their school seriously. Give them happiness; take them around on strolls; encourage them to take part in co-curricular activities and make it possible to be present on such occasions. Believe me, it will reduce their pressure, improve your relationships, and rejuvenate you as well.

7. Listen more, talk less- Try listening more to them instead of only talking. Understand their problems; appreciate their achievements; give a patient hearing to their emotional setbacks; join in their joys and participate in their emotional journey. However, take care not to be over-communicative with them. If you find them not opening up with you, don’t give up. They may take time to open up with you. While talking, your tone is most important. Remember these young people are super-sensitive too. Also, ask such questions that answer has to be in detail and not in mere ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

# TipsForParentingOfSeniorSchoolStudent # ParentingOfSeniorSchoolKids                      # ParentingOfAdolescentChildren                                                                                               # HowToParentSuniorChildren # ParentingOfHighSchooler 

Author, R. C. Verma has mentioned about the parenting of adolescent kids who are in the secondary and Senior Secondary classes in this series of 3 articles.

13.c. Amazing tips for Parenting of a Senior School Student

Suggested measures

Listen more, talk less- Try to listen more to them instead of only talking. Understand their problems; appreciate their achievements; give a patient hearing to their emotional setbacks; join in their joys and participate in their emotional journey. However, take care not to be over-communicative with them. If you find them not opening up with you, don’t give up. They may take time to open up with you. While talking,  your tone is most important. Remember these young people are super-sensitive too. Also, ask such questions that answer has to be in detail and not in mere ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

Allow them space-As any other individual they need space for themselves. Don’t hover around them all the time. Let them make some decisions. Don’t try to work out everything for them. They will feel responsible for all the decisions that they take. 

Attend Parent-Teacher meetings- Don’t make it a mere formality of attending the PTMs. Try to know about their class inter-actions; responsiveness; interaction and cooperation with peers; presentability; academic performance and behavioral problems, if any. Keep in touch with the school and their teachers. Remember, they are their guardians for nearly half of their active day.

Encourage them to play outdoor games- It will make them stronger and increase their positivity. They will be ready to face the challenge in a healthy manner. It will take out their grumpiness or mood swings if any.

Encourage them to prepare for various competitive examinations and subject olympiads- First arouse their interest and then encourage them to prepare and participate in various competitive examinations. For example, if they are willing to study abroad, SAT is the basic examination. They need to prepare well. Similarly, schools inform about subject olympiads. They must be encouraged to participate. If they do well, it works like adrenaline for them. Even if they don’t, the experience works nicely for them.

Follow their sleep pattern- Their normal sleep is an indicator of their well-balanced life. In case, you find them awake, make sure that everything is alright. Sleepless nights are sure indicators that something is eating them up. Ensure them to have a night of proper sleep because, as it is, their days are filled up with lots and lots of activities. A good sleep prepares them well for it. 

Train them to organize themselves- It is going to be very helpful to them in their professional college and jobs, as and when they take it. It is said that “Well begun is half done”. So if they learn to plan properly and follow it up, nothing can fail them anytime and anywhere in life. They must be keeping their books, files, dresses, shoes, and other items properly. Don’t be their servant in doing this. 

Don’t make the fun of school or teachers- Some parents make this mistake of criticizing their school or teachers in front of them. Remember, you give them a tool to hide their academic failures. Teachers are to be revered and school discipline is for their own good. For example, don’t encourage them to remain absent even on the slightest pretext. They may miss out on something important. If there is any problem with the school, you may visit the school and discuss with the authorities. 

Conclusion

Children will remain children provided we treat them with love and care. The parents’ growth process should make them more understanding; friendly; co-operative; consistent; cool; calm and ideal for their children to emulate. Believe me, no child will give any problem if they are treated nicely. The parents should set an example of nice behavior in their own lives as well. Remember, children may not speak but they are very good observers.

For writing this article the author has been inspired by the internet sites with the following links.

 https://parentinghighschoolers.com/teen-discipline/

https://parentinghighschoolers.com/communicating-with-teenagers/

 

 

 

 

 

# TipsForParentingOfSeniorSchoolStudent # ParentingOfSeniorSchoolKids                      # ParentingOfAdolescentChildren                                                                                               # HowToParentSuniorChildren # ParentingOfHighSchoolers 

 

 

 The author, R C Verma has mentioned the parenting issues in this series of articles. This is a very crucial stage in the life of the children who are on the verge of entering the professional college. Kindly post your views.

12.a. Is it difficult to be the parent of an adolescent?

 

Congratulations! Your child has crossed one important milestone in life. It is your milestone as well. However, the journey to the next one is full of challenges. 

What does it mean?

A lot! It means to be parenting a teenager now. The role of parents has to undergo massive changes. Your involvement would increase more now. Their world view is gaining a larger proportion. Their academics would be more vast now. You will have to work more to ensure their successful education. For details of their academics please read my article 4.Jack and Jill in Junior classes. 

They have reached a cross-over stage to adulthood.  Believe me, it is a very delicate stage in life. They are neither the babies nor young adults, yet. They are adolescents. This age has its own problems. 

Let's take up the case of Abraham. He studies in class 7 of a good school. His parents Robin and Rachel love him but lately, they are encountering a big change in his behavior. Till last year, he was good at studies but now they have started to get complaints from his teachers about his lack of concentration and misbehavior with friends.

Robin took care to look deep. He could make it out as an age-related problem. He decided to deal with it in the best possible manner. So he contacted his elderly friend, Dr. Miller. He assured him this to be the natural process of growth and development for the child and he needs parental support to come back to his old self. Robin also consulted various books and internet sites on the subject. He  came to the following inferences:

Adolescence is the period of mental transition from childhood to adulthood. The child was going through puberty.

Puberty

·  Puberty brings in physical, sexual, hormonal, emotional, neurological, social and cognitive changes in children.

·       This process starts in girls from their age of 10-11 and continues up to 15-17.

·       In case of boys, this begins at 11-12 and continues till their age of 16-17.

·     It leads to growth, changes, and functioning of the brain, muscle, bones, blood, skin, hair, breasts, and sex organs.

·       Physical growth is clearly visible in height and weight.

·       Both, boys and girls develop secondary sexual characters.

·      For boys, it means a change in their voice from boyish to manly; the appearance of hair on the face, in the armpits, and around the genitals.

·       Bodies of the girls get filled up. They start menstruating or getting their monthly periods.

·       It leads to the sexual maturation of these teenagers.

·     These changes occur because of the secretion of sex hormones that prepares their body for sexual reproduction.

·    The fluctuating sex hormone levels may bring in the mood swings in them at times because of their being powerful chemical agents.

We need to understand these changes to be too big and sudden for these ‘Children’. They need to get complete sexual education for a better understanding of this process. Otherwise, they may have to face mood swings, encounter fear from the unknown, develop a lack of control over their behavior, and experience changes in attitudes, responsibility, behavior, etc. Obviously, it is time for the parents’ concern.

Sometimes, it may even lead to clinical depression and anxiety. Some tell-tale signs need to be watched carefully by the parents. These are as follows:

Sleep disturbances

Their sleep cycle may go for a toss. The villain is a hormonal disturbance. It breaks the sleep-cycle-rhythm. It may keep them unusually awake at night. It reduces their normal sleep hours and may result in irritation and lack of focus. It certainly would affect their academics and cause frustrations.

Immature behavior

In some cases, there is a mismatch between the brain and the body. Their behavior may not match the grown-up body. They cannot make good judgments, or think deeply, or understand the consequences of their actions. They may be mistaken as selfish, hasty, or even impulsive because it is difficult for them to control their emotions like sorrow, anger, or even joy. Don't make the mistake of taking them as logical or rational thinkers during these emotional mood swings.

# Parenting  # ParentingSkills # Parenthood    # RoleOfParents

 

This is the first article of the series "Is it difficult to be parent of a junior school kid" The author has discussed adolescent age and problems related to it.

12. b. 10 simple tips for the parents of adolescents

So, you think that your child has changed suddenly. The author has written another post titled "Is it difficult to be the parent of an adolescent?" in this space earlier. It will be worthwhile to take up a case study, first. 

Case-It is about a boy, John. His parents are Henry and Martha. Henry is a successful Executive, a go-getter, known for his dynamism. He cannot tolerate even small shortcomings. John was good at studies and played cricket regularly. Having reached adolescence, he had been facing the changes associated with puberty. Somehow, he could not score good marks in one test even after working hard. This infuriated Henry who felt that efforts did not mean anything, if not translated into good marks. He punished John by stopping his cricket activity. Martha resisted and explained about John’s efforts. She also said that outdoor activity was good for John and multi-tasking would only help him in the long run but Henry did not agree. It led to the arguments between them and John’s frustration increased. His grades deteriorated even further.

Analysis- study suggested that Henry’s behavior was unreasonable. He should have supported John by spending time with him, and not stopped his cricket activity. Instead of arguments with Martha, he should have been more friendly with john and helped him in his studies. This would have improved the situation in the best possible manner. 

This case study brings us to 10 simple tips for the parents of such adolescents.

 

What do they need to know and do?

1. No need to panic- Puberty is a normal change in the body of their children. You have gone through these changes in that age. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Your disturbance will add to their problems. Compose yourself. Let there be no arguments about it so as to aggravate the situation.

2. Support them- Be their friend whole-heartedly. Be a rock of Gibraltar for them during their difficult times.

3. Talk openly- Explain clearly about the onset of puberty to your children. This will prepare them properly to welcome these changes.

4. Spend quality time with them-  Spending time with them does not mean silently watching a movie or serial on the television, sitting together. It has to be quality time. Listen to them carefully. Talk to them about their day, friends, activities, sports, games, problems, achievements, teachers or whatever interests them. However, don’t be a judgmental or rude critic.

5. Balance is important in life- Who else can teach them this? They should emulate you to maintain a healthy balance in life. Their activities should include a healthy diet, sleep; exercise, outdoor games, and studies. It should be interspersed with dollops of entertainment.  The important point for them is to exercise a happy balance of all these.

6. Encourage children for expressing their individuality- Parents must not exercise too tight control over their children, especially during this age. Keep a watch on them against falling into any kind of negative activity like alcohol, drugs, or any kind of self-harm. They should also be free to express their opinions.

7. Let them be happy-  Just take care for their faces to radiate happiness all the time. A smiling child is able to face difficulties easily. Take them out on excursion from time to time. It will be a good change for them.

8. Be their mentor, friend, philosopher, and guide- Don't impose your parenthood on them but be a facilitator, a mentor, friend, philosopher, and guide to your children. Give them instant practical advice but if and when they ask. Imposition or undue rigidity will be resisted by them and lead to bad behavior. let them feel free to interact with you on any topic.

9.  Give them space- They need some space in this age. Meddling too much in their affairs is simply no-no.

10.Check up about their friends- However, you need to act as a vigilant parent also at times. Keep a check on their activities, circle of friends, behavior, and manners.

If these major points are kept in mind by the parents, there is no reason why their adolescent children will not be able to get through these years smoothly.

Takeaways

Don't be a father like Henry to your children. Be understanding one like Martha. Following these simple tips, will make you a good, friendly parent, the one that your child will be proud of.

The following websites may be referred for a more detailed analysis of the subject.

https://www.google.com/searchsource=hp&ei=KDnOXrCtK8fA3LUPp9606A8&q=puberty+wikipedia&oq=Puberty+Wikipe&gs_lcp=CgZwc3ktYWIQARgAMgIIADIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjoICAAQFhAKEB5QD1j5TW

https://www.mentalhelp.net/parenting/mental-emotional-social-changes-through-puberty/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/parenting/11-to-14/

 

#ParentsOfAdolescents #TipsForParentsOFAdolescents #HowToBehaveWithAdolescents

 

 

 

 

 

 The author R. C. Verma has given details for parenting of adolescent children in this article. Kindly post your critical comments in the comment box or mail vermarajesh55@gmail.com

 

 

11. Classes during Corona

Caroline was sitting before the computer. It was morning time and instead of getting ready and going to school, she was attending the virtual class. Her teacher came on the screen and began the day’s lesson with the help of a video. 

Oh! How much did she miss her school; meeting her friends every day; playing and enjoying candies with them was so much fun.

She did not understand the reasons for this great change in lifestyle. Her parents, Margaret and Jason told her about a disease named Corona spreading all over because of which the schools were closed. They were also working from home on their computers. 

Her Papa told her about this method of schooling as e-learning. He told her all about it and how it saved her from the disease which was killing millions of people all over the globe. The little children and the old people were to be protected the most and remaining at home was the only solution for them. 

Caroline began to understand it now. Her papa told her all about this way of schooling. He said:

Why attend these Online Classes

Her papa told her the benefits of these classes

• You are able to continue your studies even without having to go to the school during these difficult times and are, thus, saved from the pandemic disease.

• You can attend the school in the comfort of your home.

• You can also chat with your friends as in school, during the breaks and even exchange notes, if you need any.

• The online tests are as good as the regular ones. You can check your knowledge from these tests.

What do you need to do

1. Be prepared beforehand. If your classes start early, keep your books, notebooks, stationery the night before. 

2.  Sit before your computer or mobile just like your regular class, punctually. Your teacher will be on the screen because we have an internet connection and use the Zoom platform. Take your classes as in school maintaining discipline. 

3. Don’t keep changing your place of study daily. Sit down at your study table only. I and your Mumma will not disturb you during this time. It will help you save time and form a proper habit.

3. Interaction with the teacher- Listen to the teacher attentively. Try to write down as she teaches and answer her questions as you would in school. 

4. Be agile and motivated in the class as in the school.

5. Fix your breakfast and mealtime and don't keep munching during the classes.

Takeaway

Caroline hated being sick and understood that the Online classes were the only way to save her from being affected by the pandemic. She also appreciated the tips given by her Papa. She became attentive, serious, and motivated again as if being in regular school. She knew this to be a long-time experience for not only her but the children all over. 

#OnlineEducationDuringTheCoronaPandemic #ElearningDuringCoronaPandemic #RequirementsForOnlineEducation #BenefitsOfOnlineClasses #TipsForOnlineClasses #TipsToTheStudentsForELearning

 

The author R.C.Verma