Amanda was in tears. She did not understand who to talk to. Her father never had any time for his children and her mother was too busy with everything except her children. She thought that caring for their food and household chores is all she needed to do. Amanda had begun to like Roger and wanted to share this but nobody was available to be with her.
There are many children like Amanda. They grow up physically but undergo the trauma of young adulthood. Their age is neither that of a child nor of a young person. These children undergo a lot of pressure because of hormonal, physical, emotional, and mental pressures. They face challenges and competition in their academic journey. Besides, some may be trying to prove their mettle in the fields of sports, music, arts, and other such activities. They also feel the pressure of choosing their future careers wisely. This young crowd wants to take charge of their life.
However, they still try to find rock support in their parents. You need to perform some of the basic duties of parenting, follow the common traits, inspire them to be active in every field, help them think properly, and remain agile. Instead of simple instructions like “Go to bed now” or “It’s bedtime” leading questions like “So, how was your day?” “I hope you are doing well in your badminton” will help you get closer to them.
Suggested measures
The following measures will put you on the path of being a successful parent.
Discipline- Although it is a common trait of good parenting but it is very important at this stage too. That is why it is specifically being mentioned again. They may not like disciplining but it is important for them. It becomes easier if they have been following it since their early childhood. I have mentioned this to be an important quality for the children in my earlier parenting articles for Pre-primary, Primary, and Junior children which can be read on my blog eduofday.blogspot.com You may find some resistance to it initially but one day your young children are going to thank you for this. Some rules like “At least one meal together by the entire family”; “No television or mobile at the mealtime”; “Fixed play timings”; “No late nights” etc. can be discussed and implemented.
Involve and get involved- Involve them in making plans not only for them but for other things as well. This will make them responsible and mature. Welcome the arguments but solve them amicably. Getting involved in their affairs in a friendly manner, solving their problems, and giving them a patient hearing will bring both of you closer.
Be vigilant- A good parent needs to be vigilant. This vigilance is about even minutest change in their attitude and behavior; academic performance; friends circle; any change in their routine and food habits, etc. This is a very delicate stage. Many children get into bad company at this stage and take up the spoiling habits like smoking, alcohol, drugs, etc. Being vigilant is a wise step.
Command Respect- This is from the common traits but mentioned again for the sake of these young children. Respect should form the basis of the relationship between parents and children. However, as a parent, we should be able to win their respect with our behavior. Respect from them needs to be reciprocated by your love and affection. It is not enough to have these feelings but also to express them from time to time. You will find that their arguments get reduced to a large extent by taking these measures.
Be Consistent- Your behavior needs to have an equilibrium and consistency. If you talk to them lovingly one moment and angrily the next, they may not like it and their rational behavior will undergo negative change. They may not be expressive with you or react angrily. All these situations are not good for their future life. Children need to have confidence that their parents are there for help and support all the time.
Spend Quality time with them- You may be very busy but it is a part of your growing up process to take out quality time with your grown-up children. Enquire about their day in the school, class tasks, teachers, friends, home tasks, interests, hobbies, games, sports, and any other topic of their interest regularly. They will take their school seriously. Give them happiness; take them around on strolls; encourage them to take part in co-curricular activities and make it possible to be present on such occasions. Believe me, it will reduce their pressure, improve your relationships, and rejuvenate you as well.
Listen more, talk less- Try listening more to them instead of only talking. Understand their problems; appreciate their achievements; give a patient hearing to their emotional setbacks; join in their joys and participate in their emotional journey. However, take care not to be over-communicative with them. If you find them not opening up with you, don’t give up. They may take time to open up with you. While talking, your tone is most important. Remember these young people are super-sensitive too. Also, ask such questions that answer has to be in detail and not in mere ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
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