We will take up a case study to understand the nuances of this problem. Ruchir was the son of Sudhir and Indira. He was a student of class VI in a good school in the city. Sudhir was too busy in his business and did not have time to look into the family affairs. Indira loved her son excessively and was an example of a Helicopter parent, She just had to be by her son’s side all the time.
Ruchir was getting spoilt with all this adulation. Just after coming back from the school, he would throw his bag, bottle in a corner. His mother would open his shoes, change his dress, and take care of keeping all his items besides feeding him his favorite delicacies with her hands. Then she would make him sleep. After getting up, she would go out and sit in the playground while he played. In case of any interaction with his friends, she would interfere on Ruchir’s behalf. After coming back, she would sit with him and complete his home task all by herself. Then she would again feed him herself and read out stories until he slept. This had been going on since Ruchir was a little boy. Ruchir used to get restless and misbehaved with her but Indira used to grin and bear, thinking that probably, taking more care would set him right.
Once, her sister, Nandini, and niece, Anuja came to stay with them. Anuja was a very soft-spoken and well-behaved girl. She was also of Ruchir’s age but being properly trained by her mother, she was quite independent and acted responsibly. Nandini was a lecturer of Home Science with a specialization in Child behavior. She observed Indira’s behavior and its bad influence on Ruchir.
When Ruchir was in school, she took it up with Indira. First, Indira avoided talking about it but Nandini made her understand the seriousness of the situation. She gave her to read her dissertation on the subject and explained it nicely, too. She told her the poor implications of such behavior and circumstance that Ruchir would face in the latter part of his life.
The following were the main points of the dissertation concerning this phenomenon of the helicopter or overcaring parenting.
Definition
“A parent who pays an inordinate amount of attention to their children and often makes decisions, particularly educational ones, normally the province of the student.”
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/helicopter_parent
Five Main Features of Helicopter Parents
Such parents are similar in the following respects:
In almost all such cases, this phenomenon takes the form of an obsession.
They oversee every single activity of their child very minutely.
Their main focus remains on offering everything on the platter, to their children. In the bargain, they make their children excessively dependent upon them.
They try to decide anything and everything pertaining to their children’s lives such as their teachers, friends, sports, games, activities, studies, tasks, choices, etc.
They take almost every responsibility of the child including their actions, behavior, choices, achievements, failures, etc. Even if their children do anything wrong, these parents try that their children do not even know about its consequences.
Why this phenomenon is on the rise?
The main reason that can be attributed to the recent rise of this phenomenon is the shrinking family size. Nuclear families and a small number of children in each one of them, have made the parents utterly conscious about their children.
In the past, the joint families were prevalent and the number of children per couple was also on the higher side, Such concerns were handled by Grandparents, uncles, aunts, elder cousins, or brothers/ sisters.
That onus of caring has fallen on the shoulders of the parents in nuclear families. Some of them become overactive and extra-attentive in their task. The parental monitoring required for excessive and inappropriate use of Mobile phones, the internet, social media, etc. by their children has made this trend even more complicated.
What are the Consequences?
Because of the cushioning given by such parents, their children face the following consequences-
They do not get any time of their own.
They can neither develop any independent thinking nor take any decisions.
Their likes and dislikes are guided by or limited to the parental choice.
Motivation, creativity, and initiative do not germinate in such children.
Their mistakes are owned up by the parents without giving them any chance to take corrective measures or learn from these.
They get easily frustrated and defeated in life because of not being able to cope up with the problems and facing the challenges.
It is very difficult for them to recoup from failures faced in life.
They develop relationship issues because of difficulty in adjusting with other people.
They have health problems because of the lack of physical activity and the mental strain of living all the time with the over-caring parents.
They are not allowed to participate in any sports because of the parental fear of their getting hurt.
Their problems start when they have to live on their own in some professional college or settle in a job because till then they have not had the opportunity to move without their parents’ signals.
Tips for such parents
Love but do not overdo it.
Give them space of their own.
Teach them to be responsible.
Do not do their work.
Let them learn to keep their things by themselves.
Help them in their tasks but let them complete it by themselves so that they can learn.
Let them face the challenges of life and learn to solve them.
Even if they come to you for the solution, ask for their own suggestions.
Involve them in household activities.
Let them feel proud of helping their parents.
Teach them the virtues of Discipline, Punctuality, and good behavior.
In short, parents should be the friend, philosopher, and guide but not the slaves of their children.
Conclusion
Indira realized her mistake fearing the consequences to be faced by her son in the future because of her excess love and caring. Although it was quite difficult for her she decided to be firm in making him a disciplined and responsible person for facing upcoming challenges successfully.
# HelicopterParenting #TipsForHelicopterParenting # HowChildrenOfHelicopterParentsSuffer # ConsequencesOfHelicopterParenting
The author R C Verma has expressed his views about this important topic. Please send your views about it. Email: vermarajesh55@gmail.com
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